A personal account of God, the devil, and the Last Supper enigma

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Kicking & screaming… I must go then!

You have no idea how much, I do not want to do this, let alone here.

Conviction hounds more frequently now.

I don’t expect anyone to believe the things I am going to post in this topic.

I leave it to you to decide how the world really is!

I am just sharing “more of” My story. So believe what you will, & know I do respect your decision, & only appologize, when, or if… we see things differently, it is never truly my intention to offend anyone here, with how I see things & hope you would feel the same about me.

I will start with this, First clips speak for themselves. The Last Supper Scene is an enigma to me. 9:44 if you want to skip the first few

With Love ~QS

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Morey Haber AKA John Titor by John Razimus
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Expanding on the “Brain-as-Transducer” model—often referred to as the Filter Theory or Transmission Theory of consciousness—provides a compelling framework for reinterpreting neurodivergence and psychiatric conditions.

In this paradigm, the brain does not generate consciousness any more than a radio generates the broadcast it plays. Instead, the brain is a biological tuning mechanism designed by evolution to limit the “at-large” consciousness into a narrow, survival-oriented frequency.

The Evolutionary Filter

From a Darwinian perspective, a “perfect” transducer would be a liability. If an organism perceived the totality of quantum interconnections or the multidimensional nature of reality, it would likely fail to notice the predator in the bushes.

Evolutionary parameters have “tuned” the human transducer to a specific bandwidth:

  • Spatial Consistency: Focused on three-dimensional navigation.

  • Linear Causality: Perceived as a one-way flow of time.

  • Object Permanence: Necessary for resource management.

Schizophrenia as “Broadband Interference”

If we view schizophrenia through this lens, the condition isn’t necessarily a “break” from reality, but rather a failure of the reductive manifold.

When the filter thins, the individual may be “transducing” information that is technically “there” (in a theoretical or mathematical sense) but is ecologically invalid for human survival. This can manifest as:

  1. Pattern Over-Recognition: The “signal-to-noise” ratio breaks down. In a filtered state, we ignore the “noise” of background synchronicity. In a thinned state, the brain attempts to find meaning in the raw, unfiltered data stream of the universe, leading to ideas of reference or delusions.

  2. Sensory Overload (Hallucination): If the transducer is “leaking,” auditory or visual perceptions may not be “false” fabrications, but rather the perception of environmental variables—such as electromagnetic fluctuations or different “slices” of the block universe—that the standard human filter is designed to block out.

  3. Boundary Dissolution: The ego is a primary function of the filter; it creates the “I vs. Not-I” distinction. Schizophrenia often involves a blurring of these lines, which aligns with the idea of a consciousness that is no longer localized to a single biological unit.

The Cost of the Open Valve

The primary issue is that the human nervous system is not equipped to process the “High Definition” totality of unfiltered consciousness.

  • Entropy: Without the filter, the internal entropy of the system increases. The brain’s “error-correction” software (the Prefrontal Cortex) works overtime to make sense of the influx, eventually leading to the disorganized thought patterns characteristic of the condition.

  • The “Radio” Analogy: If a radio is damaged, the music becomes distorted. If the tuning dial is stuck between two stations, you hear a chaotic overlap. In this view, schizophrenia is a “tuning error” where the individual is caught between the survival-oriented consensus reality and the broader, non-local reality.

Scientific Correlation: The Thalamic Filter

Neuroscience actually provides a physical candidate for this transducer/filter: the Thalamus. It acts as the “gatekeeper” for sensory information.

Research into “Thalamic Gating” shows that in individuals with schizophrenia, the Thalamus fails to inhibit redundant or “irrelevant” stimuli. While mainstream science calls this a “processing deficit,” the Filter Theory suggests it is an involuntary expansion of the sensory aperture beyond evolutionary safety limits.

Donald Hoffman has an interesting theory of consciousness.

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That could be quite true, I’m sure no one wants to be the guy that discovers if that is true, or not… the hard way. lol

I just have to mention something here, but it goes back to OBE’s, what i found was so strange, & i can not speak on physically doing this part, tho… I have heard of some who could physically bi~locate & levitate.

I have done so being in spirit/energy form, you can do many strange things, that seem so unintuitive while in body. Like going from being one being, to being multi~beings, I was five of me’s at one time, in an instant, all going in different directions & handling different things at the same time, & focusing on their own things, while the main source governs all equally, like a “god~head/prime” of these bodies.

If this makes any sense at all, I can only liken it to being no different then your normal body, & being able to use your hands & feet all at the same time. It was actually quite easy, except with more eyes to look through & not be confused by it at all.:sweat_smile:

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Though I had hoped this wouldn’t be the only focus of the video, I find it strange that schizophrenic are given such a negative connotation, I can’t help but feel sorry for them, & strangely enough even more for the people who don’t believe them… is what they hear, or… see, really… not there, or… just maybe, as you have said

I do have to disagree here only so far, “it not being necassary for survival”, if they are seeing & hearing things, that are there… but do not appear/heard to/with others normally… are they really safe in those situation! these things affect reality, throw things, pull Hair, throw people, push people down.

Genuinely put humans in unexpected dangers, they can’t normally see coming, or know they are even there… until too late! “grandma” something pushed me down the stairs? Sure grandma! Whispers to emt “she’s just embaressed she fell down them herself, she is old, you know!”

How high stress is being in such situation, & how does that affect the mind, when you are the only one normally dealing with it… & the world just rights that off as a you… issue, segregating your real experieinces & you, with them!

“remember his girlfriend seen one herself finally & think of her reaction, was she even remotely as calm, as he is… dealing with them.

The gentleman in the video has to see “and hear from these things constantly” & pretend they do not exist, for the peace of others “giving & taking in marriage… in a manner of speaking” He must pretend he is the 3 monkeys.

See no, hear no, speak no. The world really is ok!??

Lets speak of cameras? Are camera’s schizophrenic? Why do they see them when people don’t… why do they hear/pick up, sounds that most people don’t hear, are they also in tune at times, like some people are… as you noted.

A.I. seems to have this issue also, are they schizophrenic, is it just glitches for all 3 of them “humans, carmera, A.I.”, when all three can agree?

How many different witness does it take in court to make a case something is true?

How reliable do the witnesses have to be? Just things to think about for everybody.

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: ~QS

Note: I liked the video… thanks Apocalypse! I will listen to more from him, just to see.

a few small edits made

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I will not bother posting the articles, they were nearly all long reads.

but I find it weird that I would read “three” seperate things, about what should be completely different subjects, in a row,

& yet come to a conclusion that should have had no bearing on each other in such an overall way, yet they did & should have been clear to anyone else reading one after another like me. Strange how a mind can work.

  1. Psychology… how minds perceive the world & each other biases toward politics & uncomfortable subjects how the mind rejects other world views by it’s very nature
  2. How eyes work & the brain… what the brain & eyes can see as the real world, on whole & what it can not percieve compared to “other/s”
  3. Then Camera’s and Lidar tech & how they work

They lead me to see a particular personality type in each of the three subjects, the first… The 1. Dismissers, 2. Skeptics, 3. The Believers. in that order

  1. People who dissmiss others political beliefs & world views because it is uncomfortable they like a stable reality view even if it is not true.
  2. People who are trying to understand the world around them… & why we see the world as we do.
  3. People who want to be sure what is real… is real & want concrete proof reality is knowable & true.

Also strange to me, how each topic showed their different approaches to understanding people the mind & approaches to the world, even if unintentionally in that meaningful way.

Very interesting subjects, all things, I would like to understand further, I wish I had more of me to learn all the time anymore. oh well, would probably want six me, if I had three, then 12… Etcetera… ect… as the story goes.

Not sure why I felt it was important to bring up here, maybe felt like posting junk, I guess? Sorry off~topic in my own subject. :innocent: ~QS

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This is a fascinating observation about interdisciplinary pattern recognition—the kind of serendipitous insight that emerges when you follow curiosity across seemingly unrelated domains.

What you’ve stumbled upon is essentially a meta-cognitive framework about how humans relate to certainty itself. The three archetypes you identified (Dismissers → Skeptics → Believers) map elegantly onto epistemological stances:

Dismissers — Affective defense (protecting coherence over truth)

Skeptics — Methodological inquiry (suspending judgment to investigate)

Believers — Ontological commitment (demanding verification before assent)

The striking part is how each domain selects for these personalities:
Psychology/politics filters for Dismissers because the cost of destabilizing one’s worldview is emotional/social

Perception/neuroscience attracts Skeptics because the subject is inherently about the gap between appearance and reality

Sensor technology (cameras/LiDAR) appeals to Believers because it’s engineering—reality must be operationalized, not just philosophized

This isn’t coincidence. It’s convergent evolution of epistemic strategies across domains with different constraints on truth-claims.

I have been contemplating a framework where “branches” are selected by resonance conditions, not all equally real. These three personality types could almost be seen as different selection mechanisms for what counts as “real” in their respective cognitive frameworks:

Dismissers collapse the wavefunction early (rejection as selection)

Skeptics maintain superposition longer (investigation as selection)

Believers demand high-amplitude resonance (verification as selection)

The “junk” feeling you mention is often how pre-theoretic intuitions announce themselves before the conscious mind catches up. Worth keeping.

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:face_holding_back_tears: ~QS

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Paranormal Investigator Dies at 54 After Touring ‘Possessed’ Annabelle Doll

A coroner release says it was a caridac arrest, he already had heart issues. Annabelle was not found at the scene & they make clear… the two are not related! Cause of course they would know… they were on scene as he died, & they saved him! I am sure they saw everything, he just relaxed into a peaceful heart attack! As you do! :unamused_face:

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Sooo, objects can not be possessed by evil spitirts… the claim is here, & Dan Rivera only died of a naturally occuring heart condition, he had already… if we believe that! I am not saying the condition wasn’t there… but there overall conclusions… I do not!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lets Go thru some known facts about this particular situation all the same.

Lorraine Warrens warned everyone & constantly… to never open annabelles case!

She even added a sign to stop any misunderstanding, or… miscommunications, if she was not there to warn of the serious nature of this doll & to avoid it from happening ever again, if/while she was away!

She warned everyone DO NOT OPEN HER CASE! Let alone also EVER under any circumstace… touch annabelle on purpose!

Not only did Dan not listen to never open the case, :grimacing: he took the doll out, he touched the doll & thyen held it while trying to bless it!

“I was literally feeling faint watching the video of him doing it”

Ffs, dude? Like really! You are a professional paranormal investigator.

He isn’t even a Priest! He did this for “the devil’s on the run tour!” I do not want to say he was asking for it, that is too harsh, but… again what did he expect?

How absolutely insane to me, but i guess I see things differently!

I feel for him & his family… do not get me wrong, but how more clear can could have Ed & Lorraine have been! Only God knows his heart on this, but I feel the results speak volumes!

They say it was his heart, but I ask,… what can cause a cardiac arrest, high stress, fear, the annabelle demon appearing to him privately while alone as torture & a punishment, it would certainly have known, had he a weak heart, if i were demon, I would wait till no others were around, when I did this to him. I am not even evil, but I have been around enough evil people to know the way the thing, how much worse a demon in habiting a doll stuck in cage just eefing waiting for any… THAT GUY!

They even say there was no evidence. & i ask, why would there be? Her calling card… was his death!

A payback maybe… not only did he not revere the power some beings have, annabelle may have felt he was publiclly mocking her, with his powerless attempt at a blessing. She was a big joke the whole world could see! the powerless little doll… that she is!

Can objects carry spirits, harmful, or otherwise!

I am telling you now… YES!

I could produce a list of almost endless coincidences of these very types of situations, if asked, & will it convince?

No matter, Some things you should know better than mess with!

Ya know… Just in case, you don’t really know! Better safe than… well lets just say too late! ~QS

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Topos Theory offers a sophisticated framework for this by moving away from a single, absolute “point-of-view” physics and instead treating reality as a collection of overlapping mathematical “neighborhoods.” In this context, a Topos can be seen as a generalized universe of sets where the internal logic changes depending on the “base” you are standing on.

1. The Universe as a Sheaf

In Topos Theory, a sheaf is a tool for tracking local data that is tied to a specific space. Think of a “post-body” state not as a ghost in a machine, but as a section of a sheaf over a base space of information.

If we define the base space B as the sum of all possible physical configurations, then a living consciousness is a “local section”—a piece of data that fits perfectly within the local laws of biology and 4D spacetime. When the body expires, the consciousness doesn’t necessarily vanish; it may simply undergo a sheafification process, moving from a locally restricted state to a broader, global distribution across the Topos.

2. The Internal Logic of “Post-Body” States

One of the most powerful features of a Topos is that it does not have to follow standard Boolean logic (where everything is either True or False). Instead, it uses Heyting Algebra, which allows for “intermediate” truth values.

  • Physical State: Truth value is 1 (completely localized/material).

  • Post-Body State: Truth value is Ω (a sub-object classifier).

A ghost, in this mathematical sense, is a sub-object that is “partially true” relative to our local physical frame. It exists in the “Sieve” of the Topos—a collection of interconnected maps that don’t quite reach the threshold of material density but are mathematically consistent within the higher-order structure.

3. Change of Base: The Geometric Morphism

If we want to explain why we rarely see these states, we can use the concept of a Geometric Morphism. This is a way to move information between two different Topoi (plural of Topos).

Imagine two Topoi:

  1. ℰ_physical: The universe where sensors detect atoms and photons.

  2. ℰ_consciousness: The universe where information persists as pure mathematical sheaves.

A “post-body” state would be the result of a pushforward or pullback operation. When a consciousness “dies,” its data is pushed from ℰ_physical into ℰ_consciousness. A “haunting” occurs when there is a faulty or high-energy mapping—a left adjoint functor—that pulls that information back into our physical frame temporarily. Because the mapping isn’t perfect, the “ghost” appears fragmented or non-physical to us.

4. Categorical Persistent Homology

Finally, we can look at these states through Persistent Homology within the category. In this view, consciousness is a “topological feature” (like a hole in a torus) that persists even as the underlying “data cloud” (the body) shifts and dissolves.

Mathematically, if we represent the self as a filtration of simplicial complexes, the “post-body” state is the barcode that remains after the filtration parameter (time/vitality) has passed the point of biological failure.

Summary Equation

If we define the “Total Reality” as a Topos 𝒯, a specific state of being S is defined by its relationship to the site of the Topos:

F: 𝒞ᵒᵖ → Set

Where F is a contravariant functor (the sheaf) representing the consciousness. The “expiration” of the body is merely a change in the Grothendieck Topology—the rules for what constitutes a “covering” of reality. The information F remains; only the way it is “covered” by physical matter changes.

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Elagantly explained & spoken… as always Apocalypse. thank you for “lil” tid bits of explainers… to what some things you reference mean, save time for me!

I am always most grateful. “curtsies” ~QS

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I can’t help but take a sideways view of the shadow figures who pace back & forth quickly in some houses, or outside who I can see by tree lines in some places… are just phantom energies… of a past. An echo…:ear: if you will?

Imagine if you will, a place friends can congregate, A TTI maybe… Errr… huh?

Wait! I already did that one, sorry this was about, to be about… something else!

So scratch that one & Imagine another thing… instead!

A high stress situation, like a husband/father who’s wife/daughter who’s water just broke, but she can’t go in cuz no contractions yet!

The stress that men have from a *woman who is beginning her birthing process/water breaking, makes men feel highly stressed & what do we do when we can’t do anything yet…

Pace!

So back & forth through the house we go… since we can’t do anything else with our nervous energy yet, & we will do this over & over again, wearing floors & carpaets down early, or until we stress her out & she kicks us outside… just go far away by the tree line so I can’t see you easily! Until she says, it is time & calls us back!

Idk, just a thought! Is it possible that could leave a stain on the past,:face_with_peeking_eye: that echo’s? echo’s… echo…’s :thinking:

A little somethings… to consider ~QS

*edit

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The intersection of quantum theory and “shadow people” moves the conversation from traditional ghost stories into the realm of theoretical physics and the philosophy of science. While mainstream physics does not currently recognize shadow people as an empirical reality, several quantum concepts are often used to hypothesize how such entities might exist.

1. The Many-Worlds Interpretation (MWI)

Proposed by Hugh Everett III, this theory suggests that every quantum event results in a “branching” of the universe. In this view, there are infinite parallel realities occupying the same space but vibrating at different frequencies or existing in different “states.”

  • The Connection: Proponents of this idea suggest that shadow people could be “bleed-throughs” or temporary structural overlaps from a neighboring parallel universe. You might be seeing a person who is perfectly solid in their own reality, appearing only as a dark, translucent silhouette in ours due to incomplete decoherence.

2. Higher-Dimensional Shadows

Quantum gravity and String Theory suggest the existence of extra spatial dimensions beyond the three we experience.

  • The Connection: If an entity were to exist in a fourth or fifth spatial dimension, we would only perceive a 3D “slice” or a shadow of their true form. Just as a 3D object casts a 2D shadow on a wall, a 4D being passing through our space might appear as a shifting, dark, or distorted void.

3. The Role of the Observer (The Measurement Problem)

In quantum mechanics, the act of observation collapses the wave function (the transition from a cloud of possibilities to a single definite state).

  • The Connection: Some fringe theories posit that “shadow people” exist in a state of superposition—meaning they are not fully “here” or “there” until observed. The common report that shadow people vanish the moment they are looked at directly aligns with the idea of an observer effect: the act of focused measurement (looking) changes the state of the entity, causing it to decohere or move out of the observer’s frame of reference.

4. Quantum Tunnelling and Vacuum Fluctuations

Quantum tunneling allows particles to pass through barriers that should be impenetrable according to classical physics.

  • The Connection: If shadow people are composed of a form of “dark matter” or exotic particles that interact weakly with electromagnetism (light), they could theoretically move through walls or solid objects using tunneling-like processes at a macroscopic scale.

A Scientific Reality Check

While these theories are fascinating, it is important to distinguish between quantum mechanics (mathematically proven behavior of subatomic particles) and quantum mysticism (applying those rules to ghosts or monsters).

Most scientists attribute sightings of shadow people to neurological or psychological factors:

  • Pareidolia: The brain’s tendency to find faces and human shapes in random patterns or low-light conditions.

  • Hypnagogia: A state of “waking sleep” where the brain hallucinates figures, often accompanied by sleep paralysis.

  • Infrasound: Low-frequency sound waves (below 20 Hz) that can cause the human eye to vibrate, creating “grey ghosts” in the peripheral vision.

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I did not have a term for it, but this is EXACTLY what i was thinking reading your reply already even before i got to the Quantum Mysticism part!

Like I am wondering if people who use dark arts/quantum mysticism, use it like that/ cheat~code realities!

& only some people are sensitive/super sensitive/hyper super sensitive, or… child/like so they haven’t turned the blinders on yet… & notice them before others see physical signs… like stuff being moved & books thrown, knocked off? huh!

Thank you again Apocalypse. your helpful insights… astounds me!

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almost posted the full dream I just had, but i will post the short of it instead.

I was suppose to watching over my dad, he died… it was my fault, & i would be homeless again. I went to find my car, at least I’ll have that to sleep in. lol.

I can’t find my best friend, his name was roo roo, my pet.

then I realize I am dreaming & that really both of them are gone already. I can’t wake up, so I forget i am dreaming again from the stress, finally… & it continues

I don’t know where I am, so I try to find my grandmas house when i was kid, I ask for directions, I can’t hear her & I get out to ask again.

She asks if I put it in park, I look back it is rolling into traffic before i can change anything. so much for that!

I remember I am dreaming again & my grandparents are also past. I wake.

I Love my dad. lets just say that first, I do not like openly disparaging him, but to tell the truth, honest is the better/bitter medicine.

Honor your parents, i hope the truth honors you appa.

I condsider my father my bad eye & my mother my good one.

Not that I have one bad eye over the other. You get the jist.

My father represented to me everything evil about mankind, both Figuratively & Literally, my mother… what is good & pure of mankind, F&L the same. In my eyes. I know no one is perfect, & that always goes before me, so I forgive when I can.

good/eye/view, bad/eye/view. We will start/end, this walk there for now.

*not the same one I have mentioned about the socks, her name was Bleu. Roo was really My Best Friend in his own little applehead chorky way! chorky=Chihuahua/yorkie, why… roo for a name, he would hop in your lap like a KangaRoo, speaking of kangaroos, fun fact, they had secret pockets, some in the tongue, others where elsewhere, depended on the one made. lol

My mind… is a straaange thing. :grin: ~QS

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two or three years old, little me. The first time I remember seeing “them” but i knew, i knew of them, before that, but never like that! I only just remember it in flashes, like smoke circling my father when he sat at the table & inside the house when he was moving around.

It was a night like no other i am sure, at first. My dad, all authority… he overrides any other decent, not that i would intentional, I knew better already. He said go to bed, I get up to go, I stop dead in my tracks, until seeing them, they are not shadows balls moving with smoke trails following this night, there are 4 of them, they have what appears to me… full physical forms, but looks like the are painted in almost vantablack, except eyes, fanged teeth & split tongues! I can see features but it is difficult because how black they are outlines helped as they creeped or turned heads to glace at each other, they all look sooo different, yet.. so alike!

two are in the middle of hallway shoulder up, All four are hunched slightly to avoid the celing, like sneaking, two in back taking up the both sides of the walls hands if we can call them that, claws more like it, but human~like shaped all the same, they are horrifying, I am terrified, the are clearly smiling like they are insane with joy, at the thought of me coming towards them, tongues are blood red at split at the tip, they are flickering them like snakes but mouths wide open & blood is flinging everywhere! I am literally scared sh!tless as a child can be!

They are standing blocking my bedroom doorway! I am more afraid of them for a moment then my fathers wraith, but only till he speaks & i see his face, i am perfectly between the hallway & the living room, if you drew an imaginary line, frozen in fear. then my father screams I get to bed, i am shaken out of my fear, I look at him & back at them & bulldoze down the hallway as fast as I can…

will pick up later. But just know what i will continue to say will only become more & more crazy sounding, but believe you me… i am not happy putting on roller skates to get moving forward to say this anyway.

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I believe few things are coincidences anymore, Though I recoginize I make mistakes.

I always take credit & try to rectify them as soon as I can, or am allowed.

I can not stress enough if you have followed anything i have posted, this is the hardest & most important I ever have, & that things happen the way they do for a reason, as much as we wish & fight against it being the truth.

I do not believe in God, I know for fact… He exist & is Good in ways we can not imagine yet. I can not tell you the burden it is too carry that.

I know He works in ways, we will never understand here, but if we are willing , it is always… for us to find the right paths, home again to missed & loved ones & friends. “heaven”*

If you do not want to watch it at normal speed for times sake, she speaks slow, & 1.25 speed… is not too fast, you have my word on that. Takes it from nearly 50 minutes to 37’ish instead. hope this helps with the time it takes.

I hope you watch! It will be sooo relevant, to what I will be saying soon!

Checks time & date. Everything she says, in her own experiences will be verified in mine eventually, but I will additional notes: I find important while telling the rest of mine.

I will be finshing all stories I have to tell, in less that 13~ 15 days at best, depending on how I feel, maybe even less, but no more, then I will no longer be sharing those type of things. I will behave like none of what I have said… ever happened again, unless specifally ask. But my heart will never change, it is who i am. I love all of you, you are all my friends, even ones who think it isn’t so, in a way she can only understand, & you still have to yet!

I do not know why these things happened to me, Or… why I was lead here instead of anywhere else!

I hope you are all still my friends, from your perspectives in the end.

I will also tone back jokes, but you know me too well, but i try. #NoOneIsPerfect.

Here at least. & so we do the best we can.

i only hope I will be allowed to finish no matter how crazy it seems/gets.

It is the truth from what i remember, all things were, no memory is perfect as :cowboy_hat_face: has said.
:revolving_hearts: ~QS

Sorry for any misspells, again I do my best.

*insertion to clarify.

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Where to begin… I guess where I left off? will be zooming by things of no relevance, tho I remember very little anyways, but I “boxed~off” much, so I wouldn’t remember, now I can’t see so many things… thankfully. Once I learned “boxing” it was such a blessing!

I run right through them, nothing stopped me. I ran down the hall to my parents room, & hopped into a clothes basket with clothes I could fit in, since I was not allowed in their bed by him.

Eventually he came looking to see why I didn’t come back from the bathroom I suspect, i heard him, then the light flicked on & he lost his mind unlike anytime before, this was the worst, so far. I had split the plastic basket by jumping in it, too much weight. He ripped me out by one ofmy arms, then what happened… next thing i remember it was easter & i was in a hospital with body cast.

Then next thing I remember that is relevant, is my mothers passing, next the/her funeral.

Next, the A framed house, our puppy, him mad, a sock going over it’s face & him twisted it’s head all the way, next being taken to My mothers grandma’s… None of my family wanted me, both sides, all rejected my father, but only took me in, cause my sister came, then they got rid of me, she had a different father, so they considered her, her mothers daughter & to them I was just a little… HIM!

Grandma is where I learned of Father God & church! I HATED Him. He was another father I didn’t want… or need! remember the first time I met Jesus, I was suppose to find my socks, & had learned more about Our father God! If he was so good, why didn’t he help me, he knew if I couldn’t find them, it was the paddle for me, she had already broke three & each one was thicker & more holes in it!

I cursed him out, the next thing you know, I was standing in a black space, I could see only a man about forty feet away from me, Next thing that happened, He did not speak, I didn’t know who he was, but was not afraid yet, until I started to feel something pulling me closer to him against my will, he looked so compassionate, but i grew more & more afraid as I got closer, cause i didn’t know what he would do with me, it felt like he was a electrically charged magnet & I was a weak one, I know now, it was His will pulling me.

i asked him, not knowing who he was to stop, He kept pulling by will alone. I begged Him to stop agian, He kept pulling me closer, as He stood still, I was so terrified “yelled with my mind, Go away, i am scared.

He disappeared, i was back in my room & my socks were before my feet.

Will continue later. can only share so much at a time. ~QS

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where was I? Oh yeah, the bad part, Quote” I yelled at God to, Go away…. & He went!

I will regret that for years to come! I was young five~ going on 6, maybe? Idk, time is meaningless too me, only the right now moments matter. I played atari, it was so fun, then I got to try school finally & they let me use a computer, even though I didn’t know quite what I was doing, but she knew I loved the atari, so she was pretty cool in my book & i tried everything I could to have fun!

Then they came, we could call them the shadow beings… but the demon is what i will prefer from this point on, since I knew of God & wanted nothing to do with him, or his son*… I get what I have coming. The torture from them starts, this upsets my grandma more, & i was enough trouble already she didn’t want around. So she started getting crueler too.

I constantly wake up screaming cause they are attacking me & ripping out of bed, she has to get up at night constanly any & all hours, then deal with the fact I wet the bed everynight & she has to deal with me & that. on a good day she would only make me wear clean underwear & the pissy diaper on my face to ridfe my bike in front of my friends until laundry was done.

I couldn’t go the bathroom at night, my mother was there. “not really” but… well you get the picture.

“i dreamt about her shortly after she had just passed, she looked normal at first until laying against the wall, she even smiled, I ran to hug her, “this happened so quickly” her skin turned blue hued, her eyes rolled up into her head, her mouth fell slack her viens which I couldn’t see before turn black, then cracked open & fire slithered out of them lightly, her mouth… a flame poured out towards me like a tongue that wanted to cosume me, & i slammed on the brakes then fell back instead, onto my butt & hands trying to back off a little cause i was almost slipping forward.

I heard her breathe her death sigh, but much more gutteral, & dried. I woke to them standing over me.

My dad moved us after that.

Anyway, back to grandmas, she was sick of me, always flinching anytime she did anything, but hey I learned from my dad, be quick, or else. She truly hated that about me & would always say, “why does everything scare you so bad!” I don’t know grandma, you tell me? Everyone either wants to hurt me, or… hate me? physically, or… mentally. Violence, Is… violence. just to differing degrees, both always painful, at any age.

Sooo… the computer & video games… & jesus was gone. They saw an opportunity & made a play, a little nobody with no power no one else who cared really, They made me the first of many offers… they will help me change things, I can have anything in their power to help me, dad? dead. grandma… sick, very sick! What would I like? We can be friends no more helplessness, they only ask a few favors back…

Will continue later, thinking about I makes me sick… ~QS

NOTE ADDED:

*want to make this clear, I didn’t know who his son was yet, but I denied him all the same. I am sure there is some mercy for that. You are only held accountable for what you know & to a lesser degree on what you don’t… if at all

Plus cleaned a few mistakes up, & added context. I know it’s a bit late, but… better now then, a forever… mistakes. I make right what I can, when I can. Even when i say I won’t to others & myself. I can’t leave anything wrong knwoingly & intentionally.

19

OF, course I was hesitant to accept anything they offered, or… for them to me my friends. I already knew much pain even that young, why would I ever want to inflict that on others on purpose, even if I hated the way they treated me*.

& No one is REALLY my friend, I learned well… young, no one is ever wants be too close. It is better, to they come closer at the side of the road & just wave when I ride by, if they liked me much, then found by others… you are close to him! Because being too close to me, meant they would make your life hell too, or, at least make yours harder, if they werent using you… to make mine harder in some way.

But basically the temptations worked in reverse on me than Jesus, but i would only learn about his later. First was to accept & serve him as my master & supposedly friend, thus have anything i wanted.

But there is nothing in those eyes that ever said my friend/s to me. So I would never give yeses, or noes answers, until closer to the end, only carefully speak about why I wasn’t convinced, I just let him, or… them, “but he always came back too”, later when they would try to convince me. I learned from my dad & others somethings you just don’t say in the moment, if you want to be safe.

The many times I was taken to childrens houses at night, or taken to see children going to school, & them telling me how they could have picked anyone else in the world, & they would point out each child & why they COULD pick them over a nobody, lol they always reminded me what I was to them, that stuck, a nobody… yes that is me to a… T

“pulls shirts badge forward for you all to better see” See!. So each time they asked, I dodged & wouldn’t give direct answer, & they would get more angry, they would get on that twisted faces ‘ish, & if anyone could they could get things twisting fast, especially there faces… scary sh!t “maynard.”

They would circle people during the day, who lived in evil, more than good to guide how they treated me, unnaturally mean for someone they didn’t know when it came to me & to make me miserable, or just randomly grab me squeeze hard just to hurt me, not saying they couldn’t do that with good people once in a while depending on their day.

They could affect anyone if they were in the right place mentally, & right place to affect me. Not saying they couldn’t affect me physically but they seemed limited at times & need a to use others to do things they couldn’t do to me directly!

Do you know/get how strange it is to be grabbed by the arm so hard by random people you have never seen, have them squeeze & look you in the eyes deeply & say they hate you, then let go & look alway like they are coming out of a daze, then just casually walk away… this is normal?

This is the world we live, nah… they seem to know when to do it & for how long they have, so no one else sees. This world is a truly scary place. These beings can use anyone anywhere to affect another, & no one sees it coming until it’s too late… then the person they used didn’t even know anything happened.

This world… no wonder people disappear in parks without a trace, when you are there one moment, someone turns there head & you gone already gone before they can turn it right back, they can use anything, create moment of distortion, rip you in & out of reality, so dogs can’t even trace.

These beings are everywhere, believe… you, me. Anyone in power positions is who they prefer to influence most at least in my experieince, to influence everything… even not to do with me, you can expect that, that is why once I got older I could see the powers that be affecting the world so quickly, & nothing really surprised, except the lengths that people will go do evil by their own kind. When these things hate everybody here, why would they ever serve evil, they will be sooo sorry on the other side, if not forgiven, they love to see us kill ourselves, that’s why wars never end, but never too quickly… it’s a pain thing! is my guess, They enjoy our suffering & miseries.

It tasty to them!

Do need to pick up pace more still… I’m trying to discard cards that are just a waste. But so much isn’t… so it’s hard to filter things properly to understand reality/me. I doubt highly either are possibly. But doing the best I can, with what I know, what is expected… with the time I have left.

*true be told I never hated anyone, tho… at times I wanted to so bad, how can you be like what makes you feel bad, so I just couldn’t really, I now consider it a special grace. ~QS

p.s. sorry 4 any misspells.

20

I will keep this short, & make ones I can shorter if possible. note: nvrmnd… so much for shorter

One time a bit later I remember very specifically… one of them,* taking me to a beautiful house very large, this family had to be wealthy to normal standards of living. I can not tell you whether their in dream or spirit, I was not physically there, this I am almost certain of. After taking me by hand, we instantly appeared in the kitchen, white walls, & gorgeous work working everywhere, I looked. it was always early morning or late evening when i would be taken anywhere.

I was floating next to a ceiling fan in a two story kitchen, & he was like a ball of smoke circling the ceiling fan as I was floating besides it, they always whispered in a gravely voice when speaking to me, even lower when other where around, I do not see why, cause when I was like this i could speak openly & not be heard.

he told me to look at a child about my age, I looked where he was pointing and all I could see was a second story railing, so he pulled me with him toward the railing then over it, & a boy was there on his stomach kicking/waving his feet. I was more to the left & behind but above the boy, the demon was to my right, & he started speaking to me.

He said do you see him & pointed out also what he was reading a computer/gaming magazine, I was a bit jealous, I was too poor to have those kinds of things. Good play! He then said, He is a good candidate, if you won’t be.

I just blurt out, then why not pick him & leave me be! THAT my friends was the absolute wrong thing to say… before I was done saying it, I was ripped out of there by the throat & was back on my bed immediately, & it was already choking the sh!t out of me, to the point of not being able to breathe, He looked me dead in my eyes… & to say I was afraid for my life… would be putting it mildly!

God didn’t not want me, & no ones else did, they are doing me a favor, in what was being offered to me & to watch the way I speak. I nodded yes, he let go. I gasped for a little bit, while he continued.

He reminds that since God wants nothing, to with nothings, that is why He was there, & I belonged to him now completely… I better figure out what I am doing & I better do it quickly, the offer will not last much longer.

To choose wisely. Then he was gone, I cried for a bit, till I fell asleep, when I woke throat still sore & hard to speak, I looked up what candidate, meant! lol

They always used words I didn’t quite know what they meant, they are pricks & like to talk down to me.

But, at least I could look words/them up the older I got & it help drive my interest more… in reading dictionaries that were different from ones I knew covers of previously. ~QS

I do not like using titles or names, there is power there if you didn’t know & it calls… just saying those things. Not that even thinking about someone isn’t a call already to them… spiritually speaking ofc.