Just use Ai summary.
Never mind I do not see summary available for now
Don’t read then unless you really want to waste some of your precious life/time. 
Herre we go!
I have noticed ever since that dream, I have had shit for luck… I do not feel as funny as normal, every time I wake up I feel more drained of my natural happy~go~lucky nature.
I have been trying to go to church for weeks since this happened, yet the only day I can go is the day confession is held.
otherwise i am preforming a sacrilege by trying to receive my God.
every week, since that dream my schedule for work has been changed to work that day… at that time.
So i have to wait, weeks of going through this has happened, I finally thought last Saturday was the day, i did not have to work.
I then find out last minute that someone died & I am the only one who can cover the shift.
There it goes again, another chance… lost/missed.
I have to admit the last time I needed to go 'before all this", I went into the room for confession, it looks like this,
the entry door is all the way to the right side of the room, the room is maybe 12 feet long from this door to back wall, the other way is about 6 foot wide.
Once you enter to your left “against the wall & jutting out” is a curtain that hangs & on my side “of curtain” is a chair to sit, & a place to kneel to confess “if you wish.”
The Priests sitting side is obstructed from view by this curtain, he has a chair as well to sit, there is only one entrance/exit into this room
why is this important?
I am setting the stage, so to see the priest if he is sitting in his chair already… I would have to go to the middle of the room & pass the curtain… then peek around.
This is real, not a dream. I didn’t realize you may not know since it had to be pointed out to me that i am not always clear enough.
This was quite way before this dream.
This day tho, I went to confession, it is at 3pm~4pm, only on Saturday “normally to confess in~between” he is not always in there “3:45pm is the latest he will show up I guess”, it depends on demand.
I am finally learning this.
I walk in & i hear him sitting in his chair, I can hear his chair creaking “Like he is leaning in it”, I say I am here for confession, I hear a mans voice complain, he says "not you… not you again… but he hisses last word deeply!
I feel bad/guilty immediately.
I apologize If have been coming so much lately as new member “third time”.
I am a new & say “i do not wish to be a burden” on him, he hisses like an angry sigh with closed teeth.
I ask “may I sit”, he says nothing, i ask for help to say confession properly to start it “i have bad memory” & he says nothing back???
I hear him in the chair adjusting, but… he is not replying, I ask if I should go on instead, I hear him hiss “YEEESSS!” like he is very angry with me.
I say “If it is a bad time, I will just go instead!?”
nothing.
I get up to leave, without confession, but I know that means no wine or eucharist now either.
I am broken hearted & pray as I am getting up & leaving to mother, “help me, not be so much trouble to God… or his servants.”
As I exit the door, “hoping he will change his mind” I go into the church area & another door opens as the priest walks up & asks if I want confession, I am confused for a minute, I am in the door way to the room, then we walk in together I peak around his side of the curtain as he goes to sit down.
No one is there!
I realize what just happened, & i think you dirty snake!**
It never ends with his attacks on me, as long as I live… he will always find ways to turn me into the misunderstood one as well.
I sit, go through confession, then I enter church, it comes time to receive the body & blood & the side I am on, the ladies who had one “bread” & the other lady with the wine, both just walk away, as it is my turn at last & go to an area where others are sitting, that play the music & i am pushed along no one even cares to wait if they get it???
I can’t help but wonder, why me?
So I do not receive the sacraments.
You do not have to believe God/or the other one is real, or… any of this
but this is only a small portion of what i deal with regularly, if I told you all of it & just how constantly, I would overwhelm you all with how real this all is to me & exhaust even myself thinking about it.
~QS