Some time last week I have visited a parallel dimension! It was wild. I am not sure how I entered this vortex through space. All I know is that when I materialized on the distant planet, I was surrounded by people without a**es! I mean their posteriors were completely flat! I could of sworn some were even concave in actuality! I then inquired how I ended up in said realm. I figured the explanation would be magical because science could not explain. Conveniently, the denizens of this world spoke a form of English. The inhabitants were all fairly friendly, but they were not as helpful as I hoped. I was however worshipped as a deity by some. The flat-back assumed my buttocks had a magical nature (they never saw a convex backside before). I told them, "Listen. There is nothing sacred about me. I'm just some guy with a big fat a**! Finally, I was directed to a local wise man. The sage told me of a ritual with which to instantaneously transport me home. He instructed me on the mystical Dance of Eternal Transcendence. After performing said dance, I must stretch my scrotum into the form of a Shroud of Turin then chant "There's no place like home" while clicking my heels and spining about three times whilst farting. Durring the final spins, a vortex should open up to transporting me back to wherever I came from. So I complied with the ritual and as it turns out, the philosopher king was not lying. I returned! True Story!
P.S. Lest you wonder, I did not ingest any psychedelic mushrooms. But I did eat large quantities of non-halucinogenic portabella mushrooms dipped in olive oil.
P.S. Lest you wonder, I did not ingest any psychedelic mushrooms. But I did eat large quantities of non-halucinogenic portabella mushrooms dipped in olive oil.